How to Deal With Grief From a Homicide

For many families, the experience of the sudden loss of one of their members is a difficult process to assimilate because under these circumstances there is no space for the relatives to say goodbye to the deceased. Due to the suddenness of the event and the abrupt transition between life and death, many words remain unsaid and many questions arise in the relatives, of which few or none have answers.

Therefore, the underlying thought lies that the deceased still had life to live. This implies a different way of handling loss and grief and refers us to our social reality, where families face sudden loss and grief daily as a result of the dramatic increase in crime in various places around the world.

What are normal grief reactions after a homicide? 

If a loved one has been the victim of a homicide or is grieving, you may feel:

• Inability to understand or believe what has happened to your loved one.
• Helplessness and powerlessness over your surroundings.
• Worry about your safety and the safety of loved ones who have survived.
• As if someone could or should have stopped your loved one from being hurt.
• Obsession with certain images, nightmares, and recurring memories of the murder, even if you did not witness it.
• Intense anger toward the perpetrator, anger in various forms including toward yourself.
• Desire to avoid people and places that remind you of your loved one or the murder.
• Physical symptoms, such as headache or stomachache, difficulty sleeping, eating, or concentrating. 

What Can I Do? 

While no one reacts to homicide or grief in the same way, these steps may be helpful to you: 

Hire a Professional 

Immediately after the unfortunate event, and the police and other professionals have done their job, someone must be in charge of cleaning up the crime scene. Hiring Trauma Services will make this process as respectful and efficient as possible. It will be the first step to closing a chapter. 

Stay Connected 

• Try to allow trusted friends and family members and those who are also grieving to support you, as you support them.
• Find a support group or online community for those dealing with the death of a loved one who is a victim of homicide 

Create a Ritual 

• Consider a religious or non-religious ritual during which you can safely say goodbye to your loved one.
• Do something that honors your loved one: plant a tree in their memory, enlarge a photograph and frame it, and give back to your community.
• Look at pictures of your loved one and remember the times you had together. 

Maintain a Routine 

• Regain control over your life by maintaining basic structure and routine.
• Find ways to relax, such as listening to music, having quiet time, watching TV or a movie.
• Treat yourself in a way that makes you feel cared for and distracts you.
• Record Your Thoughts and Feelings
• Keep a journal, write a poem, or write a letter to your loved one to process your grief. 

Release Your Anger Safely 

Find a safe way to release your anger, perhaps in grief counseling or with supportive friends or family. 

Set Boundaries 

• Initial involvement of law enforcement, the media, and even friends and family.
• Set boundaries about what you will talk about and when. 

Address Your Reactions Related to Traumatic Experiences 

• For example, nightmares, flashbacks, fear, and avoidance of people and places.
• See a mental health professional. 

Grieving Your Way 

• Not everyone affected by a homicide reacts the same way. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace. 

Other useful recommendations 

Beware of the post-traumatic stress disorder 

We must not lose sight of the fact that, as this is an unpredictable and violent death, this event can cause post-traumatic stress reactions in both minors and all affected people, such as reliving the scenes over and over again, whether they were present, heard about it or were told about it. 

It is common to find teenagers who relive the event with anxiety, insomnia problems, and fears. We must explain to them that it is a normal, expected reaction and be especially attentive so that, after a reasonable period, they can be referred to specialized care if they continue to experience these symptoms. Do not minimize these facts

Finally, it is essential to avoid making minimizing comments to all those affected (like you should be fine by now, we have been lucky, I hate to have been worse...) since what has happened to them is important and should be considered as such.

After a while, the ideal is to gradually return to normality, both in schedules, conversations, and activities, without losing sight of those most affected people who can be given direct and specific attention to help them overcome their grief. All these keys are intended to serve as a guide for people who have suffered the loss of a loved one or are trying to help a grieving person in their environment.

If you are a healthcare professional

• Facilitate the patient to talk about the deceased and the circumstances of their death.
• Encourage the patient to express their emotions, as in addition to experiences of sadness, grief, or despair, feelings of hostility towards the deceased and anger towards the person responsible for the death of the loved one are common.
• Explain to the patient that the symptoms they suffer from, anxiety, feelings of guilt, and concern for the image of the deceased, are normal reactions and will disappear with time.
• Ensure that although it might be necessary for them to reduce their work or social commitments, they should be able to return to their usual activities within 3-6 weeks.

Conclusion

Most people overcome grief without treatment. Support comes from family and friends. Funeral rites, specific to each culture, play a vital role. However, in the case of an unexpected death like a homicide, the person will likely require professional help to heal and regain emotional stability. Fortunately, following the recommendations in this article should help find guidance amid a situation as confusing as the unexpected death of a loved one.

This is a guest blog entry.